i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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