I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
