K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
