Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize