If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
