Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
