I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
