I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
