You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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