You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
