If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
