i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
