Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize