I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
