So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
