dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
