I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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