guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
