I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
