Don't make out with my wife yet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
