Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
