Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
