Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
