You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
