hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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