First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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