So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
operation have a gay friend backfired
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
