I want to make a zoo with you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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