yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
