Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
