I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
