Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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