come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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