I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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