Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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