DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
