Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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