hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
