u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have tasted many bathrooms
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
