We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
