he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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