when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
