she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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