My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
