I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
