he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
