Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize