you win again, gameday.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize