so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
