i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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