That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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