bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
