NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
