i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
