If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
