All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
