this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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