If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
