This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
