she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
40s are totally the cure
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
