I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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