i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
