today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
