Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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