id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
