either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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