I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
